Forgive Me
by Wild Hope
Summary: Several months after being accused of beating Kristina Davis, Ethan Lovette has to figure out whether or not he can accept Kristina back into his life. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: This takes place about seven months after Kristina accused Ethan of beating her.

Notes: This will probably be about three parts and deals mostly with how Ethan reacts to what has happened. P.s. I love reviews. They make me happy in the pants.

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**Forgive Me**

Ethan Lovette brushed his unruly, dark brown, hair out of his eyes as he scribbled notes on the clipboard he held in his hands. It was late, but he had gotten distracted going over the bar inventory and hadn't bothered to make it to bed yet. Not that he was all that anxious to get there anyway. He looked at his watch, 2 AM, still more than enough time to get rest before he had to be up in the morning. It was rare that he looked forward to sleeping. Even rarer were the times when he actually slept through the night. Insomnia had become something he was all too well acquainted with lately. He turned his attention back to the clipboard and his neat, precise, handwriting. As the old saying went, there would be time enough to sleep when he was dead.

An hour passed and Ethan found himself done with cataloguing and organizing all the booze behind the bar. He realized that he was just looking for an excuse to stay awake and be busy. He'd organized everything last night by alcohol type and tonight he had organized it alphabetically. Tomorrow he'd probably reorganize it just to keep his mind off of things. He was convinced Luke was eventually going to strangle him. Ethan had just decided that he ought to stop prolonging the inevitable and attempt to sleep when he felt his cell phone vibrate. Wondering who would be trying to contact him at this hour, his curiosity peeked, he looked at his phone to see that he had a new text. He opened it and then promptly shoved his phone back in his pocket.

Well, that had been unexpected.

Too bad. He wasn't going to let himself be bothered by it... Who was he kidding? Of course he was bothered by it. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the message again.

_It's Kristina. I'm at the Elm st pier, can we talk? Please?_

He didn't owe her anything. Certainly didn't owe her secret meetings in the middle of the night. She could rot for all he cared. He leaned against the wall trying to sort out his thoughts. She was the reason why for the last seven months his life had been a living Hell.

Ethan sighed and ran his hands over his face. He had two options, he could go down to his room, lay in bed, and probably be awake until morning or he could go see her. Regardless of how angry he was, and he_ was_ angry, she was out on the docks in the middle of the night. The knight-in-shining-armor in him was having trouble being okay with that. The other part of him dreaded, absolutely dreaded the thought of seeing her. He honestly couldn't imagine anything good coming from it. However, the least he could do was go down there and tell her to go home. With a resigned sigh he turned off the lights and made his way down to the Elm Street Pier.

It wasn't cold outside, not that it was all that surprising. It had been one of the hottest summers Port Charles had ever had, being Mid-October it was finally starting to cool down. Ethan had dreaded this moment for months. Nearly seven months ago to the day, Kristina Davis had accused him of brutally beating her. Since that day he'd had a gun aimed at him, twice. Been threatened, assaulted, arrested, restraining ordered, and generally hated, hell, he nearly had to go into hiding for fear of his life, all because he hadn't indulged her teen age crush on him. He'd been trying to be the "good" guy. Regardless of how he had felt about Kristina she had been too young for him. He hadn't, under any circumstances, wanted to take advantage of her.

Instead she had taken advantage of him. Using him as a cover to protect her scum of a boyfriend. As if he had deserved it. He'd cared about her, even been friends with her, taken her to the hospital, and she decided to protect the guy that beat her black and blue and go after him instead. So much for doing the right thing. Ethan stopped and took a deep breath. Holding onto the anger wasn't going to do him any good right now. The very last thing he needed was to unload on her. He was going to tell her to go home and that was going to be the end of it.

He made it to the pier and saw her sitting on a bench, cell phone in hand. It had been months since he'd seen her. Which meant he rarely left the Casino, not wanting to risk running into her at Kelly's or on the docks or anywhere else for that matter. He stood there for a moment trying to come up with something to say that didn't sound as hateful as he felt. He decided to go with the direct approach.

"You need to go home. Now."

Kristina obviously hadn't heard him approach because she jumped when he spoke. It looked like she had literally woken up in the middle of the night to talk to him. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweat pants and her hair was pulled back in a pony tail. Ethan was actually surprised to see that she looked older. There was something about her that was just different.

"I didn't think you were coming. You didn't text me back," she said taking her phone and putting it in her purse.

"You need to go home," Ethan repeated. He was trying his damndest not to think about what he was feeling. He was angry, he was resentful, he was hurt, but he refused to think about that right now lest he say something he might regret. Or worse, say something that he might not.

"I need to talk to you," she said hesitantly, so much so that it almost sounded like a question.

"No you don't. We don't have anything to say to one another. Go home, now, or I'll call Alexis and have her come get you." It was an idle threat, he had absolutely no desire to talk to Alexis. She had apologized to him after the truth had come out but he couldn't say they were on speaking terms. He turned and walked away, telling himself that he could turn his back on her and keep walking.

"I am sorry. So sorry-"

Ethan spun around and tried to temper his anger. "I told you when you tried this the last time, I. Don't. Care." Did she think an apology was going to mean anything to him? If she was sorry she should have told the truth the next day, or the day after, or when her father tried to kill him multiple times, or when he was sitting in jail wondering how everything had got so messed up. Then would have been the time to be sorry. After the damage had been done she wanted to apologize? He hadn't wanted to hear it months ago, he didn't want to hear it now.

"Ethan, please, just listen to me," she pleaded and he almost wanted to.

Almost.

"Give me one reason why I should? I know you're a kid. I know you were in a tough situation. I know that you were scared. I know all of these things but they don't change what you did. I don't want to stand here and listen to your reasons and hate you even more for them." The moment the words left his mouth he knew he had done what he had set out not to do. It was late, he was exhausted, she had the ability to make him feel nauseous just by thinking about her, let alone seeing her and he couldn't handle that. He never should have come.

"I don't blame you for hating me."

"If you hadn't "blamed" me to begin with we wouldn't be standing here."

"I know."

"What do you want from me Kristina? Do you want me to tell you that all is forgiven? That I understand? Do you need to know that I'm okay so that you can move on? I can't give you that. Kiefer beat you, and bullied you, and hurt you, and I hope that you never give him the time of day. I hope you never forgive him for what he put you through. What you don't understand is that you did to me what he did to you. I am sorry that you went through what you went through but you had no right to do what you did to me."

Ethan was surprised to find that he was getting so emotional and that pissed him off more than anything. He had spent the last several months trying to get through this as best he could. Trying not to make Kristina the enemy, trying to understand why she did what she did. The twisted part of it all was that he got it, he understood why she'd blame someone else. He just didn't understand why it had to be him. Nearly everyone in his life had turned against him. He'd tried to be strong, stay calm, let justice prevail, as it were. And justice had, after a month of being wrongly accused he'd been cleared. Only after Kristina had showed up in the hospital again, and he'd had an air tight alibi. If it weren't for that he might be in jail right now. Or better yet he'd be across the ocean on the run, away from this city that was the first place he'd been able to call home in a long time. She had almost took that away from him. It hadn't even been her choice to fix all of that. How could he not be bitter?

Tears were falling down Kristina's face and Ethan almost spared a moment to feel bad. Any part of him that could have felt sympathy for her had been crushed months ago. He'd told her to go home. It was what he set out to do, it was time to let go.

He turned around and started walking.

His heart was pounding in his chest. The last time he'd actually talked to Kristina had been shortly after Keifer had been arrested for beating her a second time. Dante and Lucky had figured out the truth and had taken Ethan down to the police station to get all of the paper work for dropping the charges squared away. He'd been waiting in one of the interrogation rooms alone, when Kristina came in.

Her face was bruised and he remembered thinking, that all he wanted to do was hold her and then he was brought back to the reality of how she had accused him of hurting her. Hurting _her_ of all people. She had apologized and he had sat there in silence. Plagued by images of how he found her that first time. How he had held her in his arms and told her that it was going to be okay. Those feelings of such fierce protectiveness that he wasn't sure he had ever felt before for anyone.

Despite himself he was plagued by the memory of those feelings even now. He stopped walking and looked out over the water. His feelings for Kristina were so complicated, they always had been honestly. He had liked her, probably more than he should have. She was funny and entertaining and he had honestly enjoyed hanging out with her, teaching her poker, decorating Christmas cookies with her. He had allowed her to mean something to him and then it had become time to… back off. She was getting too attached, he had seen it, and that presented its own set of complications. She was too young for him, too inexperienced, she had a lot of maturing to do so he had made the grown up decision to stop things before they even started.

Ethan remembered the image of her lying on the floor. The way that she had lashed out, thinking he was Kiefer begging him not to hurt her anymore, how fragile she had felt as he carried her to the car and then into the ER. She was a hurt, scared, girl. She had been so broken.

She had broken him.

Well, he was turning his back on her the way she had turned her back on him. At least that had been the plan. The look on her face as he had walked away was bothering him, pulling at strings in his heart that he had thought were long severed.

Ethan turned around and headed back toward the pier. Maybe talking to her would help him find some sort of peace with everything. He needed to let go, he knew that, maybe trying to forgive her was the first step. It took a lot for him to admit that. Did he want to forgive her? Not particularly. Did he need to? Probably. He wasn't sure how much more he could take of the dreams, of laying awake at night going over everything in his head. How things could have been different. Maybe he needed to hear what she had to say. He was almost convinced that it wouldn't change anything, but maybe, maybe... she could say that one thing that would make a difference.

He made it back to the pier but the bench was empty.

She was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

This story is dedicated to all the folks over at Your Crying Shoulder - A Kristina/Ethan forum. Google it or go to my profile and click the link for my homepage and join. :p

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Kristina climbed back into bed, glad that no one had noticed her absence. Alexis had become almost obsessive with her need to watch over Kristina day and night. She was trying not to be too tyrannical about it, but Kristina was sure that there wasn't one thing she did throughout the day that Alexis or Sonny didn't know about. There were body guards never too far away, Sam popping up at random moments through out the days, Molly watching her intently whenever she was on the computer or talking to her friends on the phone. Everyone was trying so hard to protect her and she felt smothered.

What had happened tonight hadn't helped. She'd woken up in the middle of the night from a bad dream… a bad memory. Keifer was beating her, had left her lying on the floor, broken and bruised, and then Ethan was there, holding her, telling her she was going to be okay. Kristina had woken up and she had needed to see him. She needed it to be okay. There was a hollow ache in her heart where Ethan used to be and she wanted it back. She wanted the casual conversations, the little hellos at Kelly's, even if that was all he'd give her she'd be happy. She didn't deserve it, not after what she'd done, but she needed him, and a desperate little part of her hoped that some part of him needed her too.

It hadn't turned out that way.

Kristina pulled the covers up around her. She was surprised she wasn't as devastated as she thought she'd be over Ethan's rejection. It was mostly because she had known how things would go before she had even left her house. Of course he was mad, he had every right to be. She had just hoped that some of the sting would have passed, enough for him to at least talk to her. Obviously it hadn't, so she had to let it go.

At least until thoughts of him would begin to keep her up at night. It was mostly guilt, and a myriad of other emotions. She was trying hard to work on her issues, it had taken therapy, at first once a week, and now once a month to help her work through the damage that was Kiefer. She no longer stayed awake at night crying over Kiefer, wishing that he had loved her enough not to hit her.

Kristina had even stopped staying awake to catalog all of the things that she wished she had done differently. Wishing it didn't make it so, thus there was no point in doing it. She had a lot of regrets and she had learned to leave them all in the past. All but one. Ethan had been the one thing that she had been able to cling to when her life was spiraling out of control. Her boyfriend had been beating her, her sister had been kidnapped by a serial killer, her brother had killed their step-mother and then her father had been put on trial for that murder, after her father had shot her other brother. Life was crazy and Ethan had been the glue that had held her together. He'd provided her with company, with an escape, and she couldn't forgive herself for treating him the way that she had. She grabbed a pillow and held it to her chest, all she wanted was for him to be able to look at her again.

The last several months whenever they'd run into each other, and those moments were few and far between, he'd acted like she hadn't even existed. That smile that she'd fallen in love with was no longer meant for her. She just wanted him to be able to look at her again. He'd looked at her tonight, eyes blazing with emotion and hatred.

"_I don't want to stand here and listen to your reasons and hate you even more for them."_

Kristina had expected that he hated her, she had just never expected him to say it out loud. It hurt more than she wanted to admit. The only thing that she had ever wanted was for him to like her, love her, want her. Now all she wanted, would have given anything for, was for him to forgive her. With a sigh she rolled over and eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.

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The weeks passed for Ethan slowly. He'd find himself at random times looking at his phone, wishing for a message from her, for another opportunity. He felt like he couldn't be the one to talk to her, in his eyes it admitted a weakness that he couldn't afford to have when it came her. So life went on and he went on with it. November brought with it a cold front that lingered and it finally began to feel like Autumn on the cusp of Winter. As the holidays approached Ethan sunk deeper into his sullen, quiet, moods. It was times like these when he wondered why he stayed in Port Charles anyway.

It was a time for friends and family and for the most part he felt like he had none. Luke was off doing whatever it was Luke did, and Lucky and Lulu made themselves scarce to him. Lucky still stopped by occasionally to talk, see how he was doing. Lulu also visited and Ethan hated having to force the smiles and the laughter, pretending that he had forgotten how they had believed that he was capable of doing what had been done to Kristina. He was bitter, he resented them, he couldn't help it. Again, he wondered, why he stayed? How nice it would be to get a fresh start. Some place warm, bright, not filled with the memories of loneliness and betrayal.

Ethan often thought of leaving but he could never muster up the motivation to actually do it. Leaving would accomplish so many things, but on principle he couldn't do it. He couldn't let her win. He knew his thought process was flawed, but if he left, that meant that Kristina had destroyed him. He couldn't give a teenage girl that power over him. So he would make the pretense of moving on, of being happy, and he'd do it with a bloody smile on his face.

Ethan was on his way to Kelly's for a cup of coffee and he knew what he was doing. He wanted to see her. She might be there. He didn't know what he'd say or do if she was. He just knew that he wanted to see her. He ran his fingers through his hair, telling himself not to bother analyzing that thought. The look on her face as he had turned and walked away from her flashed through his mind. He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up, get his mind off of her. He enjoyed walking, enjoyed the cold air on his face, the pale light coming from the fading sun hiding behind the heavy clouds. It suited his mood.

He arrived at Kelly's and was immediately reminded of the time he'd come here for a cup of coffee after Kristina had accused him. He'd had a temporary lack in brain function and had forgotten that Mike was Kristina's grandfather. That outing had ended with him being kicked out and told never to show his woman-beating face around there again.

Woman-beater. He'd gotten used to be calling that. Because of her.

The lights from Kelly's shone bright and cheery and Ethan welcomed the rush of warm air as he opened the door and stepped inside. He barely came here any more and he was surprised at how much he missed it. He looked around and just as he figured, there she was, sitting at a table by herself, a cup of coffee and books and papers spread out in front of her. She hadn't heard him enter and he was glad for that.

It almost physically hurt him to see her sitting there. He was plagued by memories, of the good times when he looked at her and felt happy. He'd taught her how to play poker here, he'd saved her from Kiefer, talked with her, laughed with her. He felt like his thoughts were mocking him. He didn't want to think about those times. Sometimes he was half convinced they had never existed.

Ethan took a deep breath and walked right past her to the counter. The waitress asked him what he wanted and he told her. As soon as the words left his lips he could feel Kristina's eyes on him and he resisted the urge to turn around and meet her gaze. He missed her. He hated himself for that admission but it was true. Missed her laughter, her exuberance, the way that she smiled at him. He found himself chewing on his bottom lip, worrying, thinking, wondering what he should do.

His thoughts were interrupted by the waitress returning with his coffee. Ethan took a deep breath and turned around, coffee in hand. It was time to leave. He'd got what he'd came for. He'd seen her. It hadn't solved anything, didn't fix the emptiness that he felt inside. He spared a glance at her only to see that Kristina had preoccupied herself with her homework. As he walked past her he crushed the urge to stop and say something to her. It was better this way, better to just leave. He wondered when he'd gotten so self destructive.

Ethan made it outside and into the cool air. The coffee warmed his hands if not the coldness that was beginning to thread its way through his veins. He began the walk back to the docks, to the Haunted Star, to the emptiness that he knew awaited him there.

"Ethan! Ethan wait!"

Ethan stopped walking and closed his eyes. He was so conflicted. Months had gone by and not a day passed when he didn't think of her. There were days when he hated her, resented her, but there were the days when he missed talking over a cup of coffee, making her laugh, knowing that she was alright.

"Can I walk with you?" she asked hesitantly, arms wrapped around herself, she must have forgotten her coat inside.

"It's freezing out here, you should go back inside," he said softly. He couldn't meet her gaze, couldn't see the look of hope in her eyes knowing that he was going to eventually crush her. He started to walk away, only to find her following.

"I'll be okay," she said, keeping pace with his long strides. He walked slower so that she could keep up. Maybe it was finally time that they had a talk. He wasn't ready, but he didn't think that he ever would be. He had sought her out tonight for a reason, whether he admitted it or not. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to find some sort of peace. What he really wanted, although he was loathe to admit it, was to forgive her.

"Will you let me talk, please?" Kristina asked and Ethan didn't have the heart to say anything so he simply nodded.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you. I don't have any reasons or excuses that will make it better. I wish I did, I wish I could give you that. Honestly… honestly, I just wanted to hurt you as much as you had hurt me."

Ethan stopped, suppressing the surge of anger. That was her reason? He felt the familiar walls and boundaries rising up inside of him. Blocking her out, pushing away all of the good things that he had ever felt for her.

"I went to the Haunted Star that night so sure that I could make you see me, really see me, like no one else ever had. You were going to be… my everything. You were going to save me from Kiefer, make me feel beautiful… loved. Do you remember when you told me that I was pretty and any guy would be lucky to have me? I wanted you to be that guy. When I was with Kiefer I never felt like I was good enough, or sexy enough, or pretty enough. You didn't make me feel that way. You liked hanging out with me and just talking to me. It wasn't about sex or anything else. It was just about me. I really, really, wanted that. When you rejected me I felt like… like I wasn't good enough after all. Like you were saying that I deserved Kiefer."

Ethan still couldn't bring himself to move, to walk away.

"If I had known that Kiefer was beating you I never would have let you think for one moment that you deserved it," he said softly.

"I know. That night, I stood him up for you, you know? When he found out he was so angry… When I was laying in the hospital bed, after it happened, I just kept thinking that if you would have just wanted to be with me, none of it would have happened. I would have gotten away from Kiefer, I would have had everything that I had ever wanted in you. I felt like you took that all away from me and I just didn't understand. All I had left was Kiefer, and if I would have said his name I would have been left with nothing. What I did was wrong. I know that and I'm so sorry that I blamed you, not just for hurting me, but for everything."

Ethan looked at her, standing there, shivering in the cold, and it was hard to keep hold of the anger. It was hard to process everything that she was saying. He knew that she was sorry, it was impossible not to believe that. Ethan ran his free hand through his hair. He wished Sam had never had that "talk" with him about Kristina. Maybe if she hadn't he wouldn't have started pushing Kristina away. He mentally chastised himself, that wasn't true, he would have begun to distance himself eventually. He had seen that Kristina was falling for him and honestly, well, it hadn't bothered him all that much. He turned his attention back to her.

"Forgive me? I don't care how long it takes, I just… I need to know that one day you can forgive me."

Ethan wanted to give her what she asked, he wanted so badly to put everything behind them, embark on a new beginning, recapture something, anything, of what they used to have. He just wasn't sure he could.

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Reviews are love. Thank you so much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: **This story was originally only supposed to be three parts but I think there is more left to tell so there will be a few more chapters coming. Thanks for reading and I love you all that have reviewed.

Ethan didn't know what to say. He felt like she was asking the one thing he wasn't sure he could do for her. He looked at her standing there in the fading light, shivering. She looked older, there was no longer that light about her that he was so used to. Ethan glanced up at the darkening sky. It was late, she needed to leave and he needed to be alone with his thoughts. He looked at her again, her lip was trembling and with a sigh he handed her his cooling coffee. She looked at him in confusion but held on to it anyway. Ethan took off his coat, relishing the feeling of the cold as it hit him, and draped it over Kristina's shoulders.

"Let me walk you back to Kelly's," he said, heading back in the direction that they came from.

Ethan walked slowly, secretly happy to be near her again. Happy… that was something that had been in short supply these last several months. He looked over at her, his coat wrapped around her, and he found himself smiling. It was a completely unexpected reaction on his part, but he was beginning to feel as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He wasn't necessarily happy with her explanations but he found himself understanding more than he ever thought he could.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him with a hesitant smile and a confused look on her face.

"Nothing, I was just thinking," Ethan said as he focused his attention ahead of them. He could feel some of the anger and resentment that had been steadily building up over the months, fading.

"Thinking with a smile on your face? They must not be bad thoughts." He could hear the slight bit of hopefulness in her voice.

"No, not bad," he said as he gave her a small smile. Something that she had said was running through her head.

_You were going to be… my everything. You were going to save me from Kiefer, make me feel beautiful… loved. Do you remember when you told me that I was pretty and any guy would be lucky to have me? I wanted you to be that guy… _

Ethan was pulled away from his thoughts by the sound of Kristina's voice as they reached Kelly's.

"Thanks for the jacket… and for listening," she said taking the jacket off and giving it back to him. As he accepted it back she looked up at him as if she was struggling with a decision on whether or not to say something.

"Ethan… I've really missed you." With a small smile she turned and entered the warmth of Kelly's leaving Ethan standing out in the cold. He turned and for the second time that night he began walking back to the docks. While he walked he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through his list of contacts until he reached the "K"'s. He'd never had the heart to delete her number from his phone. He selected her name, and then "text message", and in the little white box he typed out four words.

_I've missed you too._

Ethan stood there for a moment staring at the words and then with a sigh he deleted them. He didn't need to encourage whatever it was that was between them… what was _still_ between them even after everything that had happened. He didn't know how, no one had ever hurt him the way she had, and that was saying something. Yet, he still had feelings for her. It was hard to decipher what they were, but they were there, tearing away at his insides.

How could it feel so right to want to see her and be near her? He wanted to believe that he was intelligent enough to have learned his lesson the first time around. She was trouble and he'd had enough of her to last him a lifetime and here he was, wanting more. Wanting more what? He asked himself.

More of her?

More of her company, her laugh, that indescribable way he felt when she smiled at him? How easy it was to talk to her? He wanted more and it went against everything he'd been telling himself these last several months. How in the Hell did she have that affect on him, and more importantly, why did he let her?

Finally making it back to the Casino he headed down to his room. Luke was back in town so the Casino was running smoothly and Ethan was sure he wouldn't be missed. He collapsed on his bed deciding that he should take advantage of the fact that he was actually sleepy, despite the fact that it was early in the evening. Maybe he'd be able to sleep through the night. He grabbed his phone intent on letting it charge while he slept. In an act of spontaneity, before he could once again talk himself out of it, Ethan pulled out his phone and sent Kristina a message.

I miss you too.

Not letting himself think enough to regret it, he plugged his phone into the charger, climbed into bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

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Kristina was on her way back home, courtesy of her big sister Sam, when she felt her purse vibrate. She pulled out her cell phone and saw that she had a new text message. Hoping that it wasn't another one from her Mom asking when she was going to be home, she opened it and she was sure her heart literally stopped.

_I miss you too._

Four tiny little words that felt like the longest, most eloquent, ones she'd ever read.

"What's that smile about?" asked Sam from the driver's seat as they came to a red light. Kristina looked over at Sam and put her phone back in her purse, despite the fact that she wanted to read those words over and over again until she could convince herself that they were real.

"Nothing, just a funny forward." Kristina said looking straight ahead into the darkening evening. She could still smell Ethan all around her. It had been very difficult to part with his coat and it had nothing to do with the cold. She had liked having some part of him close to her, if only it had been for a few minutes. The strangest thing was the fact that she was reminded of the night that Kiefer had attacked her. His scent brought with it images flashing into her head.

_"It's okay, it's okay baby. We're going to get you some help… It's going to be okay."_

"Kristina?"

Kristina turned her attention back to Sam and blocked out the feeling of Ethan's arms wrapping around her as he picked her up to take her to the hospital. Sam was staring at her with a suspicious look on her face. "Yes?" Kristina asked, drawing her thoughts away from that night and everything that had happened because of it.

"I asked you what the forward was about?"

Kristina had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. She had turned eighteen last week but that didn't stop everyone from treating her like she was still a little kid. She had grown up a lot in the last year but she wasn't able to get anyone else to see that so she had reluctantly stopped trying.

"I don't even remember now. I get so many of them." Kristina really wanted to get home, go up to her room, and try to figure out what she was supposed to do now. Ethan was… confusing to say the least. First he hated her and now he missed her. She was happy about the last part of course, but she wondered if it was nothing more than a passing feeling.

"I think we both know that you're lying," Sam said matter-of-factly as they turned into the driveway. Kristina couldn't bring herself to continue with the lie so she dropped the pretense.

"Can't I have some things that I want to keep to myself? I'm not talking to Kiefer, he hasn't even tried talking to me since the last time. I would tell you if he did. You can't begrudge me one secret can you?"

Sam sighed and Kristina could tell that she was trying to be supportive and less over-bearing. It was funny but Kristina was starting to see a lot of their Mom in Sam, especially when it came to how they looked out for her. She appreciated it, she really did, but she didn't like it.

"Just don't get hurt, Krissy."

"I won't. I promise." She leaned over, hugged Sam, and then got out of the car, having the distinct impression that she might have just lied.

It wasn't two minutes after she had walked in the door she felt her phone buzz again. Her heart in her throat she looked at her phone only to feel cheated that it was a message from Alexis.

_Glad you got home safe. You know the drill. Molly and I will be home soon. Love you._

Kristina rolled her eyes. Seriously Sam and her Mom should just get walkie talkies if they were going to spend all of their time talking about her anyway. Yes, she knew the drill, all doors and windows locked and no answering the door. Kristina double checked the door to make sure she had locked it on her way in and finding that all was well, she sat down on the couch with a long sigh.

What a day.

She'd gotten to see Ethan. That had been a surprise and at the time not a good one. Seeing him had been so unexpected that when she had heard his voice at Kelly's it had made her stomach queasy. Just seeing him did all of these things to her, she was flooded with emotions and honestly she didn't like it. She missed the days of butterflies, of smiles, and laughter. All of that was gone now, she'd be lying if she said that the butterflies weren't still there but there was just so much more going on that they turned into an afterthought.

And he _missed_ her.

It had been pure lack of brain function that made her blurt out that she missed him. Her brain had been just a second too late at stopping her mouth. She felt like an idiot afterwards, but this, knowing that he felt it too, made her feel a lot less foolish.

Kristina wanted to text him back but she was at a complete loss as to how to respond. She didn't know if she was even _supposed_ to respond. Regardless of the massive amounts of confusion, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest. She was finally able to tell him why she had done what she had and he had actually listened to her. That had meant a lot to her. Logic told her that she had finally got the closure she had been searching for all of these months. Logic told her that now she could let go completely and move on. However, her heart was saying that he actually _missed_ her.

Maybe they could get to the point where they could talk to each other on a regular basis, be friends even? There was nothing that she wanted more than that. Kristina decided that she wouldn't respond to his message. She didn't want to ruin how things were and she didn't want to push him. If he missed her, really missed her, then just maybe things would end up working out okay after all.


End file.
